Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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