my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
