i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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