I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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