How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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