giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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