he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
