I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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