Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
