You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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