All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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