do herpes really smell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
