Will you blow on my dice?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
