Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize