when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
