I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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