I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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