she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
