Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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