So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
