I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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