but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
