I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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