double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
