Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
