i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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