Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
