tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
