have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize