Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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