my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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