Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
