Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
