my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
