Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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