Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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