my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
