He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
