every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
