my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
