Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
