So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize