Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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