i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
