I didn't shave. On purpose
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
