So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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