You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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