You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
