It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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