is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize