Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
