You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
