I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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