Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
