There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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