i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
