i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
