If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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