Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
