the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
