I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
