My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
