I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
