Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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