I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
its liver damage thursday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
