I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
