what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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