Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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