I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
