i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
