can u get pink eye on your cock?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize