I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
