i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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