I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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