I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize