P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
