It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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