Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can text with my tongue
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
