Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
