it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wear drunk well.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
