Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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