Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
