I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
