I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize