I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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