there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
