In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
