he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize