it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
