oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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