There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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