Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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