My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
