You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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