Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
