Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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