Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
