you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
