ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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