I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
