I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
