so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
