I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
